Helen Stenlake will be remembering her husband Andy at this year’s Lights of Love. Read on to find out why.

“As we snuggled up together on two hospital beds, watching our favourite TV comedies, Andy and I roared with laughter. Just a few days later, Andy died in the hospice, but they’d given me moments to cherish.

I really loved Andy’s sense of humour. He was a cheeky chap and it made his day if he made someone laugh.

We were always going on adventures together and Andy loved riding and tinkering with his motorbike. He also enjoyed DIY and never stopped thinking of new projects, right up until the end. Mind you, sleeping was his superpower. He could sleep on a traffic cone!

We were together for 7½ years until metastatic colorectal cancer stole him away last November, aged 53.

Andy had chemotherapy and a few spells in hospital before St Wilfrid’s Hospice became involved in his care in May 2023, just after we married. My previous limited experience of a hospice was when my Dad spent a night in one, so I didn’t have a good idea of what they offered.

We initially met Linda – a nurse from St Wilfrid’s – for a chat. Then her colleague, Doctor David Matthews, came to visit. We were amazed at how much time he gave us, as we’d only had a few minutes with other doctors, and for the first time we felt seen and heard. David visited every couple of weeks, and we liked that it was always the same person, so we could get to know each other. When Andy started suffering with confusion, David could see the difference without me having to explain.

I don’t know what I would have done without the support of the hospice. Without the doctors and nurses coming out to look after him, and having the 24-hour Nurse Line, the situation would have become almost unbearable.

When Andy decided he was happy to die at the hospice rather than at home, I was relieved. Of course, I would have done anything for him, but the pressure builds up, so to have people take that stress away is really valuable.

Andy and I both commented on how friendly everyone from the hospice was. Nothing was ever too much trouble, and they do everything with a smile and amazing efficiency.

I think there’s as much value in how the hospice looks after the families afterwards as much as they do for the patients. After Andy died, I took up the hospice’s offer of bereavement support. It was good to have an outlet.

I go back to the café at the hospice frequently as I find comfort there, maybe because it’s the last place Andy and I were together. It’s my little sanctuary that’s not connected to the rest of my life. Everyone is so friendly and lots of the staff still recognise me and remember Andy.

This year I’ll be taking part in Lights of Love as I think it’s a perfect opportunity and place to remember Andy. It’s important to keep the memory of your loved one alive and it feels even more special as it’s organised by St Wilfrid’s. It’s also a great way to give back to the hospice. We received care when we needed it because other people paid for it, and I want others to have the same.”

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