27 year old Tristan was cared for at St Wilfrid's after being diagnosed with an extremely aggressive form of sarcoma cancer. His final wish was to marry his long-term partner, Rebecca – and St Wilfrid’s helped to make that happen. Rebecca shares their story.
Utterly exceptional care
Hello, I’m Rebecca and I’d like to tell you about my lovely husband Tristan and the utterly exceptional care he received from St Wilfrid’s Hospice before he died.
Tristan and I met when I was 18 and he was 22. He was the manager in a bar and we hit it off instantly, quickly becoming a couple. He was honestly the kindest person you’d ever meet and truly did light up any room he walked into with his smiley eyes.
Five years later, when Tristan was just 27, we received the shocking news that Tristan had an extremely aggressive form of Sarcoma cancer, and there was nothing that could be done about it. It was at this point that St Wilfrid’s stepped in.
A huge relief
When we arrived at St Wilfrid's on 6th December, I remember it being just so beautiful. Tristan had this big, open room, with a gorgeous view out onto the garden. The doctors and nurses were fantastic. His pain was under control, he was sleeping well and it was such a huge relief he could properly rest.
Unknown to me, Tristan had chosen an engagement ring for me from his bed and had it sent down from Harrods in a taxi. Despite having endless tubes all over him, he got down on one knee and proposed like the true gent he was. It was honestly the last thing I expected!
A moment of light in a very dark time
St Wilfrid’s were incredible at helping us organise the wedding. Tristan organised the cake, and I found a dress, whilst St Wilfrid’s prepared the room we were to marry in, and the decorations. They also made sure Tristan was feeling as well as possible for our big day.
And so, two days after Tristan arrived at St Wilfrid’s Hospice, on Friday 8th December 2017, we married there, surrounded by our friends, family, doctors, nurses and our dog Frodo.
Hand on heart, I don’t think anyone in attendance that day will ever go to a wedding as special. For many of the wedding guests, it was the last time they saw Tristan. But their memory of him was a positive one. He was so ill, but he was so happy. It truly was a moment of light in a very, very dark time.
That weekend, with Frodo lying on Tristan’s bed, we looked over the wedding photos and opened the presents we’d been given. I can’t tell you how important it was to have that time to talk about it all, just the two of us – husband and wife.
A peaceful death
Sadly Tristan died on the Monday – three and a half weeks after he first become unwell. I was by his side and all his family were there; to the end he was surrounded by loved ones. It was such a peaceful death, and I’m so thankful St Wilfrid’s care and expertise helped Tristan to achieve that.
This whole story wouldn’t have been possible without St Wilf’s. I will be grateful my whole life for the beautiful wedding, full of love and joy, they enabled for Tristan and I. And the special memories I now hold close helped me get through unimaginable sadness.
St Wilfrid’s helped me after Tristan had passed too. I received counselling and aftercare support following his death. It was actually very comforting to return to the hospice and I credit them enormously with being able to move forward in my life.
St Wilfrid's needs our support
It’s my wish that every family, every patient in need this Christmas, is able to receive the truly exceptional care that we did. But St Wilfrid’s can only support the community if the community supports St Wilfrid’s.
If you can, please make a donation this Christmas and help another family like mine experience exceptional palliative and end of life care at the time it’s needed most.
You never know when you might need to call on St Wilfrid’s Hospice, I certainly never expected to, so we must ensure it’s there for local people – young and old alike – for Christmases to come.
Thank you and Merry Christmas,
Rebecca
Your support makes all the difference
A gift from you today can help patients like Tristan to fulfil their last wishes this Christmas. Here’s the difference your donation could make.
£36 could pay for the complete care costs of one person on the Inpatient Unit for an hour, allowing a patient to enjoy presents on Christmas morning.
£48 could cover the cost of two-hours’ specialist care from a St Wilfrid’s nurse – enabling a family to have their last Christmas dinner together.
£96 could pay for a nurse to deliver four-hours’ care to a patient like Tristan. This might be the afternoon they get married.
£120 would be enough to pay for a nurse to deliver five-hours’ care to a patient like Tristan. This might be the afternoon they get married.
£176 could fund care from a nurse this Christmas Day – supporting patients in the hospice or at home.
£270 would be enough to fund the complete care costs of one person for 7.5 hours on the Inpatient Unit this Christmas Day.
£439.50 could pay for the complete care costs of someone like Tristan on IPU for 12 hours. This might be the day they get married.
£879 could give someone like Tristan a whole 24 hours of comfort, support, and care on the Inpatient Unit.
£935.91 could fund ALL of St Wilfrid’s services for an hour this Christmas Day – supporting patients in the hospice or at home.
£3,456 is the cost of six days of expert care from a St Wilfrid’s nurse – this is how many days Tristan was at St Wilfrid’s before he died.
An urgent ongoing need for donations
Like many hospices across the country, St Wilfrid’s has had a challenging few years. Costs have risen rapidly and government funding hasn’t kept pace with all that needs to be paid for. Early in 2025, we were left with no choice but to reduce our workforce to protect the future of hospice care in Eastbourne, Uckfield, Seaford and the surrounding areas.
Through all this, our supporters have remained steadfast and loyal in the face of difficult times. We asked for help and the community we serve responded – and for that we thank you. We would be in a very different situation were it not for your generosity.
But, we are again asking for your assistance this Christmas, as it is our duty to keep you informed of our urgent, ongoing need for donations. It is essential that St Wilfrid’s Hospice can continue to provide high-quality palliative and end-of-life care to local people. So, please, do give what you can this winter – we will be most deeply grateful.
Rebecca's words beautifully capture the spirit of the whole-person care we aim to give to every patient. This is the kind of highly personalised hospice care that should be available to all those in need for generations to come.
So please, if you can, make a donation today to help us provide more care this Christmas and for many more Christmases to come.
