Last year Mike took part in Lights of Love for the first time. He was remembering his dad, and reflecting on the support and care that St Wilfrid’s Hospice had given his Dad, Alan, in the last few weeks of his life. Here, Mike tells us what our help meant to him and his family.

“As a child, my dad was my hero. I remember looking up to him, and that never changed. He was a strong character, and I thought nothing would ever beat him. Then cancer came along. And it did.

For a little while after his pancreatic cancer was diagnosed, he was able to continue with his two main passions outside of his family – working as a driving instructor and playing golf. But as he deteriorated, me, my Mum Pauline, and sister Natalie, did our best to care for him at home.

St Wilfrid’s stepped in at very short notice when it became too much for us, and Dad went into the Inpatient Unit. They thought he had around a week left to live, but that strength was still there, and he fought on for a further five.

Hospices are amazing places. The way they give that added level of support to the patient and their families at the most vulnerable point in their lives. It was really tough having Dad in the hospice though. Every time I visited, I wondered if it would be the final goodbye. I’m glad that he was as comfortable as he could be, although he kept trying to get out of bed, still thinking he was invincible.

My mum was worried we were letting him down by accepting the help, but we knew he needed it. It turned out to be a positive for her and gave her a little bit of respite. The nurses, doctors and other members of staff would spend time with her sitting outside Dad’s room, chatting about the situation and being a shoulder to cry on. We’re a really close family but I don’t think Mum wanted to feel as if she was burdening my sister and me.

The care that Dad got at St Wilfrid’s was first rate, and I don’t think he was the easiest patient! We all received a first-class service. They’d ask if we’d like something to eat or drink, but I always said no. It’s a kind offer but I’d much rather they take care of the people that need it. That level of detail and care was really important to us though.

From the start, I told Dad I’d be with him at the end, and I was. I was playing his favourite songs to him while holding his hand when he finally decided it was time to leave us. That moment is something that will stay with me forever, and I am learning to live with the memory. As each day goes by it gets a little easier. Although, out of habit, I do sometimes still go to pick up the phone and dial his number.

It was around the first anniversary of his death last year that we went to the hospice’s Lights of Love service. It really felt like a coming together of the community. It was such a calm and peaceful environment where you could get involved or just sit and think about your loved one and how much they meant to you. I also thought about the support the hospice gave to us as a family.

We all live such fast-paced lives and are on the go all the time, so that was my time to think. It felt like a really lovely experience and that’s why I’m returning again this year.”