During the summer, we cared for Rachel’s Dad, David. Rachel and her family were so thankful for our support, she asked to share her story. Her reflections also give a good indication of what to expect from a stay at St Wilfrid’s.

“Our journey with St Wilfrid’s started when Dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. My first encounter with them was when Dad was still at home and they asked for a meeting with the family to discuss palliative and end of life care. I was expecting it to be really hard, yet I came away encouraged by the amount of support and help available.

They arranged for ‘just in case’ medicine which was prescribed to be held at home and administered by a medical practitioner if needed, without the need to wait for a prescription. They explained about the 24/7 Nurse Line which we had previously used and what support they could give through that. We discussed different options for end of life and what the pros and cons would be for those things and what Dad’s preferences were.

A ReSPECT form was completed indicating what medical intervention Dad would and would not want to receive. We talked about care plans that were already in place and what support the family was giving. As the family member who lived the furthest away, I went home feeling relieved that there were still lots of options for pain relief, and support for Dad and the family.

Around a week after the family meeting, Dad became bedbound, and a week after that he was admitted to the hospice to see whether they could mobilise him and get his pain under more control. Unfortunately, he remained bedbound for the rest of his life, but the hospice constantly reviewed his medication, responding to side effects and helping his pain.

My first experience of visiting Dad in the hospice was at a time when he became very poorly, and we thought we might be saying our goodbyes. It also happened to be Mum and Dad’s 63^rd wedding anniversary.  Expecting to find Dad asleep, we arrived to find him awake and conversing with family and staff.

We came down as a family of four, plus dog, and there was plenty of space for us all in his room. He had a door which opened into the beautiful gardens, and it was so lovely to just be able to step out in the garden to take a break, take the dog out, or give Dad privacy if he was having an assessment.

It also gave us a chance to chat, to sit and spend time as a family whilst Dad was snoozing – a glimpse of normality in the midst of a lot of trauma and pain. The hospice had made a lovely big cake for Mum and Dad’s anniversary and came in with plates for us all to tuck in – a foretaste into the depth of love and care for their patients.

It was true Dad wanted to come home, which didn’t happen, and the hospice could never replace home. It was however in vast contrast to his hospital stays, and gave him privacy, dignity, peace, and specialist care. There was an abundant menu and flexibility outside of the menus. Bacon sandwiches, omelettes, roast dinners, and ice cream were enjoyed. There was plenty of space to put photos up and have music playing, and the rooms always had fresh flowers in them.

The staff looked out for Mum as she visited Dad daily, which again reassured us. St Wilfrid’s facilities meant that Mum could order her lunch and have it delivered to Dad’s room, or pop down to the café with friends and family and have lunch there.

In Dad’s last days he slept a lot. As we sat with him, I was struck by the dignity and depth of care that the staff continued to show to Dad. Everyone who came in the room would say who they were and what they were doing in the room, despite him being asleep – from the doctors checking his medication, to the people coming in with fresh flowers for his room.

The medical staff would check on him hourly, but they would also come in and chat to us about how we were, always making themselves available for any questions we had. Mattresses were taken into the room in the last nights for my two brothers to stay over, and refreshments were fetched for the family.

Whilst it was sad that Dad didn’t get his wish to go home, we were incredibly grateful that the hospice was where Dad spent his last weeks, with such an astounding level of care and compassion.

To know that Mum didn’t have to be his primary care giver at home, or to have the responsibility of being the one to assess if someone should be called to give Dad extra support, was a relief to us as a family.

My two brothers and Mum were with him holding his hands as he slowly and peacefully took his last breath whilst they played his Praise songs. Our family will be forever grateful to St Wilfrid’s for the love and care that was given to us all.”

Photos:

1) Rachel, her parents and brothers on David’s 80th birthday

2) Rachel and David on her wedding day

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