Monday 4th to Sunday 10th May marks Dying Matters Awareness Week, a time dedicated to opening up the conversation around death, dying, and bereavement.

At St Wilfrid’s, we know that starting these conversations can feel daunting. We often struggle to find the right words when someone dies, yet talking is one of the most vital tools we have for healing.

It can be helpful to think about the subtle but important difference between grief and mourning.

When someone dies, grieving is a completely natural process that we all go through. Grief is what’s happening on the inside. It’s the emotional response to loss, and it can include a wide range of feelings — sometimes all at once, sometimes changing from day to day, and often in no particular order.

Everyone grieves differently. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. But there can be times when those feelings feel overwhelming, and that’s when it’s really important to talk to someone and not carry it all alone.

Mourning is a little different. It’s about how we express that grief on the outside – the things we do to help us process what’s happened.

So, in simple terms, grief is what we feel, and mourning is what we do with those feelings.

The way we mourn can look very different from person to person. It can be shaped by our culture, our faith, our family traditions, or simply what feels right for us as individuals. Finding ways to express grief can be an important part of coping and healing.

That might include things like:

• Going to a funeral, celebration of life, wake, or memorial
• Wearing something that feels meaningful
• Taking part in prayers or religious ceremonies
• Following family traditions, like visiting a grave, making a memory box, or doing a special walk, meal, or activity
• Marking important dates and anniversaries
• Simply giving yourself time to rest

Sometimes the person who has died may have left wishes that shape how they are mourned. But it’s also important to remember that when we lose someone, we carry that loss with us. Grief doesn’t just disappear; it becomes part of our lives, and the ways we remember and honour that person can continue over time.

At St Wilfrid’s, we understand that people may need different kinds of support after a bereavement, and we offer many services and events to help.

We offer counselling and spiritual support, as well as remembrance events where people can feel a sense of connection. We also have a Retreat Room at the hospice which is a quiet, peaceful space to sit and reflect. And through our Community Links, we offer opportunities like Grief Cafés, where people can come together and talk. More information about our bereavement services can be found here. 

We also host community fundraising events throughout the year, including Rainbow Run, Starlight Stroll and Fire Walk. These events are good fun and support collective grieving in the local community, as many people take part in memory of a loved one. Some of these events require physical exercise, which can be a great mood booster, especially when doing it alongside other people. A full list of our fundraising events can be found here.

Grieving is a natural response to losing someone. And how we support ourselves through that grief is often found in how we choose to mourn.