Steve's story

Hello,

My wife Diane died of bowel cancer at St Wilfrid’s Hospice. But I’d like to tell you a bit about her life first.

She was very outgoing, helpful and caring. We used to go to the caravan we owned on a Friday and she’d be so happy for family time with me and our teenage daughter, Charlotte, after a long week. And she loved cleaning; I know it sounds strange, but it was one of her ways to unwind. Just turn up the music and off she went.

We were just living our lives when she was diagnosed with bowel cancer. She was 40 years young. She had chemotherapy and radiotherapy and it looked, at first, like she was clear of it; she even had a tattoo done of a blue ribbon, representing hope and resilience in the face of this cancer.

And then, after so many scans and tests, they told us that it was back – and it was terminal.

Now, I work for the ambulance service but I didn’t know much about the hospice. I didn’t realise all the things that they offered. But they were incredible. Within days of her terminal diagnosis, they stepped in and suggested she come into the hospice to get her pain under control.

My first feeling was relief; you could tell straight away how much passion each person had in what they do. It was such a welcoming and reassuring place. They treated us all as if we mattered, which sounds simple, but it was so important.

Diane was getting personal care and treatments that helped her to feel better – like reflexology. She loved the view from her room; she could see out and if the doors were open, all the birds and squirrels hopping about. She loved watching the trees in the wind. Diane went into the hospice in November and I remember they brought in a gingerbread house kit for us to build together as a family – a special one that Charlotte could eat given her food allergies.

We brought in some sherry and even Diane was allowed a drink – a gin and tonic, just like she liked it. And when Christmas Eve finally arrived, they helped her to get home for a ‘break’ so we could spend that time together.

I knew Diane didn’t want to die at home. She was thinking of both me and Charlotte; she knew we’d still have to live there each day and she didn’t want to burden us with the memory of her last days there. In January, she went back into the hospice for the last months of her life.

When she died, the healthcare assistants, including Donna, who became a friend, made sure Diane was in her favourite dress and made her look lovely. They made a flower posey and put it on the pillow next to her.

I don’t know what our families would have done without St Wilfrid’s over those months that Diane was ill. The support the staff and volunteers of all grades provided to Diane, Charlotte, myself and Diane’s parents Fred and Lin throughout was amazing. They cared for her, kept her free from pain, helped us to be with her as her husband and child – and a daughter.

That’s why we’ll do everything we can to raise money for our hospice, for all they do for families like ours. We’ve done the Starlight Stroll each year and Charlotte is volunteering at one of the St Wilfrid’s shops. I go down to St Wilfrid’s now to this day and use the coffee shop with Charlotte. We’re still known by name and Diane is remembered.

St Wilfrid’s Hospice must be here in the future – to be here for all the people who need them to ease their pain, like Diane, but also for the people who are left behind, like
me and Charlotte. Please help by giving to their appeal if you can.